Mary and Tim...
Mary loves her boyfriend, Tim. They have been dating for almost 6 months. They met in a bar that both frequent each weekend. She loves spending time with Tim.
Mary and Tim seem to have many things in common. She likes to eat out just like Tim. Tim likes to go rafting and drink beer just like Mary. When they spend time together at his place, they watch a movie or they invite people over to socialize.
Soon Mary and Tim decided they should move in to live together. They both had roommates, so they decided to look for a new place to lease.
After living together for a couple of months, life became a routine. They started to have problems that both don’t know how to deal with. Mary is bringing her old bad habits to her new house just like Tim is doing.
Tim lived in a dysfunctional family where his dad used to yell and use some force when he was drunk to bend things his way at home.
Mary grew up in a family with both parents and her sister. Mary was the spoiled child because she was the last child. She was free to do anything she wanted and mom and dad would respond by over protecting her and put a cushion each time she made a mistake.
Tim started to follow what he learned from his dad. Whenever things were against him and he had been drinking, he would begin yelling his point of view, so Mary would shut up. Mary was very passive and would only cry each time these events happen not knowing that things would get worse.
Indeed, the relationship got worse. Tim escalated from yelling to pushing Mary, from pushing to slapping her and from slapping her to beating her until his anger was satisfied.
Unfortunately, Mary almost died when Tim tried to cut her neck. Mary finally saw Tim’s pattern and called 911 to save her life.
Mary wonders how that happened.
John, the high school athlete...
John was an athlete at high school. He was one of the best. His favorite sport was football. He used to lift weights, run 5 miles a couple times a week. Swimming was also one of his favorite things to do as a habit.
John never really cared about dieting or eating healthy, but he knew his eating affected his fitness performance. Therefore, he would watch what he eats to the best of his knowledge.
Finally it was time to start college and leave high school behind. Like many college students, he got introduced into the night life where the “fun” happens and he started to drink. He would drink once in a while, especially when his friends had big parties. He wanted to be the center of attention and hang out with cute girls.
Little by little John stopped running and lifting weights. He did not care much about football anymore. The only time he would talk about football now was about the professional football season.
John graduated from college, got a job and created a family. Each time John was less active, drank more and ate more junk food.
After his 30’s, John was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes and he can’t seem to stop drinking.
John wonders how he lost control of his health.
Peter little secret...
Peter was 10 years old when he saw his uncles watching pornography for the first time. Since then he has built curiosity to know more about the topic. When he turned sixteen years of age, he wanted to experience sex, but he did not know where to start.
So he decides to start by looking into pornography. He found some sites and movies to watch. He got some pleasure from watching, so he started masturbating. A couple of times he got caught by his dad and he was punished, promising that he will not do it again.
Time passed and he goes back to the vice of watching pornography. Now watching man and a woman in the act of sex is not enough for Peter anymore. He gets into orgies pornography.
No one knows Peter’s secret. He is now twenty four years of age. He has trouble interacting with people, especially women. After many rejections, he managed to date Kim. They started dating; they slept together. Kim was disappointed by how fast Peter was in the act of sex and Peter was embarrassed.
They both try to be together for a couple of months, but there was something weird about Peter that Kim did not like, so Kim ended their relationship.
It has been difficult for Peter to date, so he continues to watch pornography to satisfy his desired to have sex. Now orgies are not enough for him to get to his ecstasy. His curiosity led him to explore with kids, So he became a pedophile.
A couple of years of watching prohibited videos and he gets caught by the law. Now Peter is in jail.
Peter wonders how he ended up in jail.
A little bit of history
According to history, Hitler was a madman who did not like Jews, people of skin color, ill people and special needs people. He believed in eugenics. However, he alone could not convince the world to create a new world order and get rid of those people he hated.
His government convinced the masses that Jews were the cause of epidemic typhoid. Therefore, people would report Jews when they seem free in the streets. Many Jews people were wealthy and Hitler’s government managed to convince people that Jews were the cause why many people were poor, putting new laws that would destitute Jews from their possessions.
Psychiatric facilities were used to experiment with people who did not fit into the norm of Hitler government. In addition to that, many people were taken to camps where they were killed by hundreds. All of these tyrannies and more happened between 1933 and 1945. Each atrocity started with a small act that seems to be done for the great good. Many people wonder how that one person managed to kill millions of people in various nations.
The boiling pot principle...
Years ago when I was reading a book I got a cross of this principle. I learned that to cook a frog alive you need to do it slowly. If you get a boiling pot with water and try to dip the frog into it, the frog will just simply jump. However, if you get a room temperature pot of water and get the frog in, the frog will simply swim and rest in there. Now you can slowly start turning the fire under the pot slowly and the frog will adjust to the new temperature. You can continue turning the heat slowly until the frog boils to death.
This is the same thing that happens with humans. We all know this, but some we know it consciously (Hitler government) and others subconsciously (Tim, John and Peter).
Tim knew that he could not beat Mary when they were dating or when they got married. But he knew if Mary would let him yell, maybe he could push her and if she let him push her, maybe he could continue to escalate to me more aggressive. Tim’s plan was not to try to kill Mary or to harm her. It is simply human behavior. He just simply lost touch with reality.
The same happened to John and Peter. They knew that their bad decisions would bring something negative to their lives in the future, but they decided to ignore it and live the moment. They thought that such a moment would never come. They lost control over themselves and lost true contact with reality as well.
Hitler’s government is another story. They planned it, they knew human behavior and they applied their knowledge into the masses to control the world.
We are capable of being a tyrant to others and to ourselves. We are capable of being victims of tyrants.
The key to not being a victim and not to be boiled alive slowly is to be aware of the small escalation people do in our lives. We need to stop any attempt of abuse even though it seems small such as yelling or wearing a mask.
We need to be aware of our own behavior and see if we are trying to escalate in other people’s lives by imposing our will subconsciously on others. As well, we need to be aware of not practicing negative habits that will escalate thinking that we have control of such habits just like John and Peter thought they had control over.
Remember that a frog boils slowly over time and our lives take the same pattern. We can be trapped by the boiling pot principle over time. Stay aware and awake.